Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

We have run out of underwear.

Friday, November 13th, 2009

I always say that Moms get sick after everyone else is healed; because moms have to take care of everyone else.

I have been proven wrong. My kids took care of me as a slept through H1N1.

During day three of my five day fever, I was splayed out on the chesterfield babbling incoherently. I had already sweated down a jean size and still felt as if I could boil soup in my ear drum.

I was a mess.  I let the kids completely pamper me with glasses of water at the ready. They got a kick out of playing doctor and junior doctor, and preparing cereal for Papa’s dinner.

“I’m sorry, Mommy, I don’t know what you want.” Kiddo #1 had brought me a straw because I couldn’t sit up to drink. I was completely incapacitated. Gasping for air I was trying not to hack on them. “Mommy, I don’t know what Farm Tax Credit is.”

“What are you talking about, honey?”

“Farm tax credit, Mommy, you keep saying it.”

Who knows what other bits I blurted out? Did I give away the hiding place for the stash of solstice gifts?

By day four I could get off the chesterfield but I had to be coaxed by parental emergencies.

“Mommy! Come!” I bolted off the chesterfield and crashed into the wall. I had been having problems breathing and this simple movement collapsed me. “Mommy! It was an accident.”

I hadn’t heard the glass crash to the floor. “Is everyone okay?”

“Nobody’s bleeding. It’s okay. It was an accident.”

I had enough energy to pick the kids up out of the glass and vacuum the kitchen twice before I collapsed again.

“Mommy! Don’t worry, nobody’s hurt,” Twenty minutes later Kiddo #1 reported “it was an accident.”

“Maman, my hair!” The baby wailed. I didn’t care who had accidently put the gum in the baby’s hair and I didn’t waste time looking for the peanut butter to slide it out. “Get me the scissors.” And back to the chesterfield.

It is now day seven. I can breathe. I can keep my eyes open to focus on reading the kids a story. Read a story – not fake reading a story. I had spent almost a week fake reading to the baby as little fingers flipped pages and I imagined what trouble Clifford the Big Red Dog would get into next. “A then Clifford said…”.

“Mommy, … Clifford no talk.” Egad! Found out by a two-year-old.

After one full week of letting H1N1 have its way with me, I am on the mend … and just in time …  the family has run out of clean underwear.

Whenyou were skinny?

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Kiddo #1 returned from school bubbling with excitement having discovered something about Mama’s former life (before kids).

“Mommy, Harriet’s mom said you used to play ball with her!”

“Yup - Harriet’s mom was the catcher.”

“That was before I was born, right?”

“Yup, before Harriet was born too.”

“When you were skinny, right?”

Sure I can juggle… but I can’t lick my armpits

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

The Juggle isn’t always easy. But I don’t have to convince you – you are a product of a working mom too. Or you are a working mom. Or you are married to a working mom.  Working moms work. All the time. In or out of the home. Work. All the time.

 

And after a while of doing it all, all the time, working moms start to get complacent… start to think that because they’ve been doing everything they can do ANYTHING.

 

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that there is something that this working mom can’t do. Tonight Kiddo #1 asked “Mommy, can you do this?”

 

This evening I discovered that I can’t lick my armpits.

Sure I can juggle… but I can’t lick my armpits

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

The Juggle isn’t always easy. But I don’t have to convince you – you are a product of a working mom too. Or you are a working mom. Or you are married to a working mom.  Working moms work. All the time. In or out of the home. Work. All the time.

 

And after a while of doing it all, all the time, working moms start to get complacent… start to think that because they’ve been doing everything they can do ANYTHING.

 

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that there is something that this working mom can’t do. Tonight Kiddo #1 asked “Mommy, can you do this?”

 

This evening I discovered that I can’t lick my armpits.

I can’t write in this mess.

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

 

Our kitchen is Chaos Central. On any given day I walk into the kitchen cringing “WHAT am I stepping in?” Despite our best efforts, it never feels like I can get ahead of the mess in the kitchen.

 

Imagine my delight when I discover a time-saving house cleaning trick that doesn’t render our family toxic.

 

I made such a discovery two days ago.  It’s simple. Practically free. And worth sharing.

You need:

1 toddler

1 excitable dog

1 bouquet of day-old balloons on long ribbons

Step One:

Tie ribbons around toddler’s wrist.

Step Two:

Instruct the dog to “Get the baby.”

Step Three:

Sit back with good book and a glass of wine for at least 37 minutes while the baby runs shrieking through the house, dragging the balloons behind. The balloons will pick up dust and dog hair. Some plastic bread tabs too.

Step Four:

After 37 minutes, rescue the balloons that the dog hasn’t popped. Vacuum them. Tie them to the dog’s collar. Tell the baby to “Get the dog.” Refresh your wine.

The housework practically takes care of itself.

 

What CanLit would you recommend?

Friday, July 11th, 2008

The Dalnews asks  “What work of Canadian fiction would you recommend?”http://dalnews.dal.ca/2008/07/03/discuss-Canlit.htmlIn Autumn 2007 my sister treated me to a trip to Kingston Ontario for my birthday. We stayed at B&B, drank wine on terraces surrounding the fresh market, and lost ourselves in Kingston’s many, many bookstores. I picked up a 1970s reprint of Adele Wiseman’s The Sacrifice, (Macmillan of Canada, Toronto: 1956.) and the bookseller sighed. “It’s so nice,” he dusted off the blue clothe cover “that people are reading Adele again.”

The way he spoke of the author like a misplaced lover made me wonder exactly at what point Adele Wiseman fell out of fashion. To that extent was she ever in fashion beyond the academic circles? It was evident that he didn’t merely like the work but he was fond of the author.

As I read The Sacrifice I tried to do so in spurts. I didn’t want to read too much in one setting because, frankly, I didn’t want it to end. It really was a nice story about one new Canadian family making their way in their new world, in a community that treated them as others. It was a community of their own people – a home within a home, with a locked door.

The way in which Wiseman handled the father’s pride was tender and troubling. And in my opinion, it is perhaps our best example of the portrayal and betrayal of the family in CanLit.

I am now “Carol” to my partner’s eighty-five year old mother

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

I share all my book reviews with my Mom. I guess it’s sort of like presenting a report card. And when readers tell me how they feel about Dining with Death or La Mort au menu I send those touching notes to  Mom too.  She likes them. And I like sharing them. I’m adding this note today from a reader in Winnipeg because it reads like a love letter to her Mom.  Thanks Pooker. 

                                                                           Pooker in Winnipeg writes: 

When I was twelve years old I said to my mother in a fit of pique, which was common in those days and I don’t know how my mother put up with me and thank goodness my own daughters were never as belligerent, but so help me I said, “I’ll kill myself before I ever get to be as *old* as you!”


 

My mother was thirty.

On my thirtieth birthday my mother said, “Still with us I see.” And we laughed.


 

But on that milestone day for me, me at 30 and my mother at 48, we had a talk about aging. My mother told me that despite the passage of years, despite the fact that when she looked in the mirror she saw wrinkles and gray hair, despite the fact that she was a little wiser and maybe a bit more confident, inside she was the same person she was when she was eighteen, she still thought in the same way, still felt the same way and that who we really are never gets old.

Now, I have thought about that conversation from time to time and always concluded my mother was right, but I mention it now because as I was reading *Dining with Death* clearly, I had forgotten it and it took a while for it to come back to me.

 

The author had told me, before I had even received the book,  that I was in for a “raunchy” feast, so I should have been prepared. But frankly I was taken aback by the pot smoking (heck pot growing!), dildo wielding, breast baring senior citizens she seemed to expect me to accept as believable.

 

Ridiculous!

Or was it? It got me thinking. What exactly did I expect? Blue haired grannies contentedly knitting mittens for the needy and whose biggest concern was how they were going to navigate their walkers through Winnipeg’s snow covered sidewalks down to the Rexall to pick up some denture cream and another blue rinse before the kids and grandkids came over to eat the one Cornish game hen they’d timed to come out of the oven at 5:00 to feed us all? That *is* what I was expecting! How odd that at 54 I had these notions.


How had the lessons my mother taught me been forgotten?


And then I remembered a time when my mother had clearly forgotten them too.

She would have been the age that I am now and she and my father together with their respective siblings were “dealing with” their own very elderly parents with their seemingly outrageous and demanding needs and behaviours. I remember their conversations about “what are we going to do about Nana?”   

Among other things, Nana on my dad’s side had taken to stripping on public beaches. Nana on my mom’s side was flirting with strange men (even going so far as to move in with one) and swearing a blue streak. They (my parents and aunts and uncles) were shocked and of the view that something needed to be done, that clearly they (the Nanas) couldn’t be left on their own. I, on the other hand, was not shocked at all and would say, “Go Nana!” which would net me conspiratorial winks from the Nanas and admonishing frowns from the parental units.


I think that I had forgotten my mother’s lessons because I am now in the same place as my mother was when she forgot. I am now “Carol” to my partner’s eighty-five year old mother and she is driving me crazy. The only thing I think keeps me from crawling under my desk is the fact that my own children aren’t contributing to my lunacy. Thanks kids!

My main criticism of this book is that there are a lot of characters and I did have trouble keeping them straight, who was who and who was related to whom or who was friends with whom and what was going on with each of them. I am a lazy reader, so was sometimes lost as I never go back to sort things out. Still, by the end of the book, I had managed to rein them all in and was delighted to have met them all.


Another criticism was the extensive use of humour. I understand the author’s intention in using humour to laugh at death so to speak, but I thought that it was sometimes overdone so that it seemed that her characters were indifferent or less affected than they should be by things I would expect to cause real sorrow and pain. I knew they were pained but as a reader I didn’t feel their pain and I wanted to.

Those two criticisms aside, this was a great read. While it has been some time since I finished reading it, it has stayed in my mind and I find myself going back to the questions, what do we do about Nana, what do we all do about all the Nanas, and what about when I am Nana?

 

As a Winnipegger, I appreciated all the local references. I’ve flipped pancakes with Lloyd Axworthy and it’s true, you’d think he’d be taller!

I’m not sure yet how I will release this book to new readers. I may “launch” this Canadian author into the wild as she herself has challenged or perhaps I will release for gypsymom’s Canada Day challenge or perhaps even a bookring. But you can be sure there’ll be 5 cents in Canadian Tire money at page 219.

 

Thank you Kathleen for this wonderful gift. It has got me thinking and I hope there will be many more who will think and question and be inspired because of your book.

For now this is my 13th book read for John Mutford’s Canadian Book Challenge. Yay!

no gay penguins in our neighbourhood

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

According to the American Library Association, a children’s book about a family of gay penguins called And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell was the book most challenged book in the US public school and library systems this year.

And I’m not surprised. We spend so much time telling kids what we think they ought to think that we forget to listen to what kids actually think.

We don’t give kids enough credit.

My pre-schooler hasn’t read And Tango Makes Three; as far as I know. But she is well aware that some men fall in love with men and some women fall in love with women and some men fall in love women and some women fall in love with men. But we have never discussed the love lives of penguins or their familial structures.

We have however, discussed the familial structure of Orthodox Jews.

A few Saturdays past she watched a number of black-clad men and boys stroll by and asked me who they were and where they were going.  She didn’t like any of my answers–didn’t want to believe that they were going to Schule because there is no “school” on Saturdays.  I suggested that they were a family going for a walk. “Oh no, Mommy, they aren’t a family; there’s no girls and Mommies.”

I didn’t really know how to respond. And I didn’t need to.  She surmised “But Mommy, maybe they’re a gay family.”

 Not a penguin to be seen.

Canada’s newest home deco craze: Homes for Folks that Don’t Live in ‘em.

Sunday, April 20th, 2008

I spent sunny Saturday in Montreal with a dear friend who is in the throngs of redecorating her condo. Up and down St. Laurent we sniffed taunt white-leather sofas and rested our butts in $400 transparent plastic lawn chairs. I’m not much of a deco dame and I don’t have a good sense of the trends or for that matter the name of trends. When she had invited me along I remembered a few years ago there was a craze when junk painted white was called Shappy Chic. But that was the last craze I could name. Between visits to bakeries I wasn’t much help as she tossed designer names into the air. I tried to imagine how many guests a hostess would need to squeeze on her $16K chesterfield to justify buying it instead of a SmartCar. Oh la la I was out of my element and I think maybe that is why she invited me along; my crinkled nose was her benchmark. Seeing the 12th showroom bed that stood 2 feet tall I was beginning to understand that the there was a new home decorating trend: Homes for Folks that Don’t Live in ‘em. Bookshelves with no room for books, flimsy dining room chairs for women that didn’t eat two helpings of dessert, white carpets for couples that can’t fathom inviting over people with kids or pets…these showrooms were for the homes of Montreal’s travelling rich that stopped home to pick up their mail and drop off dry cleaning. By the 7th store my girlfriend confessed that she hadn’t seen anything that caught her fancy. For her it was all too Matchy Matchy. Ah huh! I knew that there must have been some designer lingo for this craze: Matchy matchy - everything just right, nobody home.